


Heaven Talks, But Not To Me

by smokeandjollyranchers



Category: Critical Role
Genre: Comfort Sex, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, PWP, Sad smut, Smut, how's THAT for prose, it's kind of sad too?, like looking for one good thing in the darkness and refusing to let go, really soft smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-19
Updated: 2019-03-19
Packaged: 2019-11-24 21:57:10
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,844
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18170354
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/smokeandjollyranchers/pseuds/smokeandjollyranchers
Summary: "Caleb answers his door to the quiet knock only to find Jester standing there. She’s still in her dress, her blood drying as she stands in front of him. He isn’t sure what to say, regret fills his chest as he tries to formulate anything to say to her. The word sorry repeats against his skull over and over, but he’s never able to bring it to his tongue. Jester doesn’t speak either, she looks at him with broken eyes and holds out her hand."Takes place after their awful trip into the Happy Fun Ball of Tricks





	Heaven Talks, But Not To Me

The first time she comes to him, she still smells of ozone.

Caleb answers his door to the quiet knock only to find Jester standing there. She’s still in her dress, her blood drying as she stands in front of him. He isn’t sure what to say, regret fills his chest as he tries to formulate _anything_ to say to her. The word _sorry_ repeats against his skull over and over, but he’s never able to bring it to his tongue. Jester doesn’t speak either, she looks at him with broken eyes and holds out her hand.

He takes it, following her back to her room. It’s empty, Beau must be above deck, watching the waves crash against the side of the ship. Jester doesn’t have her lamp lit, and it’s dark when she closes the door behind her, the dim light of the moon the only light he has. Caleb tries to speak again, to ask if she’s okay, but her hand finds his face in the darkness. Her thumb trails his cheekbone, and he’s struck mute. Jester moves closer, close enough that he can feel the chill from her skin, close enough that he could touch her, a hand on her hip, a hand in her hair. Caleb isn’t sure Jester has _ever_ been this close to him before, and her eyes watch him in the darkness. _Help me_.

She grabs his hand, placing it against the strings and knots that hold her dress up. It looks like she has been tugging at them for a moment, most of them knotted worse by her tugging, and the blood dried on them. Jester turns around so he can help her, her head bowed. He works slowly, figuring out more from feel than sight how to get them loose. Caleb works his way through knot after knot, first helping her get her armor off, then the ties of her dress. Fabric pools at her feet, and she wraps her arms around herself.

Even in the dark, he sees where her blood has stained her slip. Small, evenly spaced wounds from the teeth of a dragon, a semi-circle starting at her rib cage and ending at her shoulder. Though the wounds are closed, he sees darker spots lining her skin, bruises that Caduceus wasn’t able to heal after. Caleb sees something else too, a strange scar, lighter than the rest of her skin, branching off into veins down her spine. Like a current. _Like lighting._

He lifts a hand, wanting desperately to offer her comfort but unsure if he even should. Jester turns back to him then, her eyes strangely hard, yet shattered. Speech still doesn’t come to him, but she doesn’t seem to care. Jester rests her head against his chest, and his arms wrap around her before he can stop himself. There’s so much he wants to tell her, _he’s sorry, he’s not the person she should seek comfort from, he’s just as much of a monster as the dragon was, he’s one of the fucking bastards that left her there_.

Instead, Jester wraps her arms around him as well, and he shivers a little, from the chill she gives off. She looks up at him, and suddenly her hand is on his face, and she kisses him. He’s frozen for a second, knowing this _isn’t normal_ ,  but she breaks the kiss before he can even say anything. She looks vulnerable, like he’s never seen her before. _I can’t get warm. I want you to stay_.

Caleb brings a hand to her face, blackened thumb tracing her lip. He can’t refuse her, he doesn’t _want_ to. Instead, he finally finds his voice in the darkness, almost lost in the sound of the waves outside her window. _Are you sure?_

She leads him to her bed, falling back against white sheets as she pulls him on top of her. Caleb holds himself above her, and she stares at him. Her fingers trace the couple burns on his face from Nott’s arrow, the bruise on his neck from the shrapnel, and her fingers work at the buttons. He leans forward, pressing his lips to her forehead. _If you want me to just stay, I’ll just stay, you don’t have to-_

She silences him with her look, and she pushes his shirt off his shoulders. Her fingers find bruises, from the landing, she finds the seared flesh from where the first bolt of lighting, and a similar branching scar to hers. Her inventory of wounds leaves him shivering, the way her fingers trail his skin. Caleb can’t help but notice her wounds are almost double his, and it makes him a little sick. He’s such a coward, leaving her there. Jester seems to read his expression, her finger leaves his chest and traces his lip. _Heal me_.

He kisses her, softly, one hand coming to push her hair from her face. She kisses him back, softly, but with a hunger. Jester is _desperate_ for something, but she doesn’t know what’s she’s looking for. Caleb understand that, more than she will _ever_ know, but he doesn’t understand why she came to _him_. Her fingers dig into his shoulders, and he allows her to pull him closer.

It doesn’t matter why, he decides, running his other hand down her side, softly, hooking her leg around his hip. Jester is _asking_ him, and he’s not going to refuse her. He never can. He deepens the kiss, reveling in the small gasp Jester gives him, her hand in his hair. She’s lost for a moment, in him, in the moment, in the _pain_. He wants to save her from it, to make up for what he hadn’t done earlier. Caleb kisses her, then her cheek, her ear, making his way down her neck.

Jester watches him with half lidded eyes, both entranced and shattered, her fingers in his hair. Gently, he slides the strap from her slip down her shoulder, pressing a soft kiss to the first of the dragon teeth bruises. Soft as he is, she still gasps, a little jolt through her body. He continues, not allowing a bruise or a wound to go without worship, without healing. He pulls the fabric down her body, leaving whatever wounds he finds _seen_ , cataloged in his mind _forever_. It’s a special kind a torture, facing her pain like this, but Caleb is not known for shying away from torture.

Eventually, it pools at her hips, and he slides it down her legs, leaving her exposed to him. Jester’s chin quivers, and she looks at him, present and _so so sad_ . He leans back up to kiss her, sliding his arms under her gently, so he can _hold_ her against him. She returns the embrace, leaning into the kiss. Her body is cold against his, but he welcomes it against the _heat_ coming off of him because of her. Jester must feel the same, she pushes against him, desperate for more. His hand cradles her head, and he kisses her again and again, until the tension in her shoulders fades a little. She breaks to breathe, words whispered against his lips. _Please_.

He nods, kissing her again, one of his hands sliding between them, tracing up her thigh. Jester whimpers when he traces a finger over her cunt, somehow surprised when he realizes how wet she is. He strokes her for a moment, enthralled how her voice gasps and moans at his touch. Her hips wiggle, against his cock. It feels _amazing_ , but somehow not as amazing what she looks like as he touches her. Her eyebrows knit together, and she gasps, her teeth in her lip. _Caleb, I need more._

He nods, carefully sliding one of his fingers inside her. Jester’s breath catches in her throat, her hand resting in his hair. He moves that one slowly, and adds a second. She _moans_ at that, presses her lips to his. Caleb fucks her slowly, she’s so _tight_ , he doesn’t want to hurt her. He’s slowly but she moves her hips just as slowly, her head tilting back as she doesn’t. He presses kisses against her neck, her shoulders, and he can feel her pulsing around his fingers. _T-tell me— I need-_

_Name it_ . He whispers in her skin, ready to happily _die_ for her in this moment if she asks it of him. Jester whimpers again, hiding her face in his shoulder, her whisper against his skin as cold as ice.

_Tell me I’m worth saving_.

His heart stops in his chest, the sorrow in those words nearly stopping his hand. Her hips wiggle again, so he doesn’t stop. Instead, he kisses her shoulders, her temple, her hair, everything he can reach. Jester whimpers. Her fingers dig into his shoulders, and he presses his head against her shoulder as well, so he knows he’ll hear her. _You’re the only one of us worth saving._

He presses his heel against her clit as he whispers, and Jester _gasps_ , clinging to him tighter as he continues his slow pace, her thighs clenching around his hand. When she finally comes, she does so buried in his neck, her teeth in her shoulder. He waits for her to ride it out, for her to finally lift her head again. He’s pretty sure he can see a tear on her face, but she’s kissing him before he can ask her about it. While her kiss is soft, it’s _fierce_ , and she doesn’t stop until he needs to breathe and she falls back into her bed. Carefully, he helps get some blankets around her, and he kisses her forehead. _Are you warm?_

She nods, eyes half open as she looks him over. _Thank you….I can-_

He holds up a hand before she can even offer. This isn’t about him at _all_ , and he won’t have her feel obligated to do anything to him. _If you want, we’ll talk about that some other time….Jester are you alright?_

She wraps the blankets around herself for a little tighter. _Better. I’ll be fine tomorrow._

Caleb nods, feeling very much the same. He knows Beau will be back soon, sooner than later at this point, and he pushes some of her hair from her face. _Beau should be back soon, I’ll stay with you if you want but-_

_But Beau will throw a fit_ . Jester smiles at him, sitting up to kiss him. _...thank you Caleb I just… I needed._

He understands, of course he understands. He should get up, but something holds him back, just for a moment. _I’m always happy to help you, Jester but...why did you ask me?_

She’s quiet as she lays back down, just for a moment. When she looks back at him, there’s gratitude in those sad eyes. _Because before you left, you looked back for me. You couldn’t see me but...I saw you look for me._

His heart breaks in his chest again, and he finds her hand, crushing her fingers in his. _Next time, I won’t leave you._

**Author's Note:**

> I don't even have a reason for this one honestly. The idea hit me like a freakin' freight train and left me dead in the tracks. Sometimes the soul just needs to write soft, deep, poetic, tragic smut you know?
> 
> As always, enjoy!
> 
> Youcanreplytothissmut


End file.
